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Mar 10, 2022
Hello from my studio,
Today marks the beginning of my 39th year spinning around our loyal sun on this glorious and beautiful Earth!
My day started exactly as I hoped for - kisses and homemade cards from my kids, and sipping coffee in bed made by my wonderful husband, while I flipped through a new gardening book! And then - behind my easel in my light-filled studio, with a lavender latte in my hand š!
I excitedly started painting today, however, I had to stop as my eyes were too filled with tears and I couldn't see the painting I was working on. My mom and sisters joke that when I was little, even if they looked at me wrong I would start crying. Actually, that isn't a joke at all (and ok, maybe this can still happen today š). Yes, it is true, I am a very sensitive soul. As sacred as our Earth is, and as much joy that was offered to me this morning, when there is so much heartache happening in our world right now, especially the invasion of Ukraine, my heart can hardly handle it, and at times, needs to break. I think those tears for the brokenness in our world were simultaneously covering my cheeks with happy tears of gratitude for my holy and precious and beautiful life that I get to celebrate today. Tears of thanksgiving for the gifts given to me, that I get to share with the world.
Even in the recent heavy moments of despair, it seems my own paintings are telling me a story and serving as reminders for myself of the light and hope amidst the darkness!
Last week I delivered the painting above, "We Are Light", to our church, to accompany the Lenten series that leads up to Easter. As I sat in church Sunday morning, looking at the light in my painting, and listening to the beautiful message from our Pastor, Bill Reinhart, it was at that very moment when I recognized that my gifts of inspiring, painting, and sharing were literally sitting on the alter - as though an offering to the world, that the message of light that I paint, would be carried on by Spirit to all people, spreading to the edges of the Earth. All of this, resembling the love and light of the ways of Jesus Christ. A reflection of the Kingdom of God, here and now, that was the ultimate message of Jesus.
While sitting behind my easel, tears rolling down my cheeks, the lyrics from Cloud Cult's song, "Song of Oblivion" hit a chord in my heart,
"The moment you realize you're made out of earth,
Is the moment you feel your heart start to give birth".
As I contemplate and feel these words in my soul, it is so timely with the start of Lent and the rituals of Ash Wednesday last week, that many across the world took part in. It is a reminder that we are made out of earth, that we are this precious dust, here temporarily, to bring forth something beautiful and new. It's in remembering this, that really does make one's heart start to give birth. What are we here to birth and create, but love and light? We are the image bearers, and we must step up with exuberance to turn the brokenness into beauty, the darkness into light, the hate into love, and stand in solidarity with those oppressed and marginalized. As I celebrate my own birth today, giving heartfelt gratitude for my mom birthing me into this world, I feel more called and ready to step up to all the tasks at hand.
Although I don't know exactly how I can help the people of Ukraine other than giving monetary relief and intentional cry-out prayers for the intervention of love in Putin's heart, there are so many other ways of being the light for others at this very moment. In the book "Lent in Plain Sight" by Jill J. Duffield, that my church is reading together throughout lent, the author says it so beautifully,
"I remember that nothing angers God more than rituals of penitence unaccompanied by actions of love. I remember that this Lenten journey is not only about giving up something,
but also about standing up for someone."
Whew, that line! Sure, if you want to give up meat, hey it's a healthier option anyways, but I love the author's invitation of standing up for someone who may so desperately need you right now.
For me, today on my birthday, I am standing up and speaking up for the transgender community and their families. They hold a dear spot in my heart, and knowing the discrimination they face, I just cannot be silent. I'm standing up by ways of putting myself out there, right here and now, to invite loving conversations with those of differing perspectives and understandings. I know that in order to bring about the kingdom of God in ever clearer sight and experience in our world, we just cannot leave out any.single.child.of.God. This includes transgender youth and adults, and of course all of our brothers and sisters of the LGBTQ+ communities.
If you are reading this and your heart feels uncomfortable right now, I am just so sorry. I am sorry that somehow you may feel that there is a "them" and "us" way of being and loving in this world. I think one way of being light for the transgender community and others who are marginalized, is to stop the finger pointing and assumptions, when what we really need are more loving conversations, for even an attempt at understanding the other! I am more than willing and ready to start these conversations with anyone who may be interested. I know this isn't easy, but I know it's where we must start. I think there is way too much misunderstanding and conclusion jumping, when what this community needs more than anything is unconditional love and acceptance ā¤ļø.
As my tears are gradually starting to subside, I am hoping to get back to my easel today, to listen and bring forth all that my heart awaits to birth, painting more and more light to share with all! I'm also extremely excited for a new print release coming out in the next few weeks! It's titled "On Earth As It Is In Heaven". Yes, a mouthful, but it's a painting that feels monumental in my artistic journey. It's a painting that feels much like my life's mission, to accompany my painting "We Are Light". In ways, the author Sarah Bessey's words in her book "Jesus Feminist", seem to describe my own feelings of my art at the moment, and the journey that lies ahead in this last year in my 30s before a new decade for me:
"I want to take my life's work right now.... and I want to hold it all in my open hand, with a spirit breathed prayer and intention. I want to be filled with the knowing that we are all a fragile universe, needing love in this moment. Before I lay my gift on the alter, and ask for holy fire to descend, one soul is as important as 99, worth leaving everything behind to rescue. If there is one soul in your care, one face in your loving gaze, one hand in yours - then you are loving the world....
And so the work today, the love we give and receive, and lavish on the seemingly small tasks and choices of our days, can tip the scales of justice and mercy in our world."
And may it be so.
With an abundance of love and gratitude,
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